By Scott Beller
Daddying Editor
“So, what do you do for work?”
Classic opening to holiday party banter. One I usually shy from. Not because I don’t like what I do but because what I do involves so much of my personal life and history that not everyone wants nor needs to hear while gnoshing hors d'oeuvres, sipping vodka tonics, and Let It Snow jingles gently in the background.
Usually, my answer is “I’m a writer.” Which leads to the follow up, “Oh yeah? What do you write about?”
That’s where it can get complicated.
To avoid diving too deep, I often divert to, “I’m a PR guy, so I’ve written articles, blogs, and web copy about a lot of things for various clients. From tech stuff, to social issues, to parenting…”
That helps change the subject. But more often, the mention of parenting or fatherhood issues only intrigues my conversation partner further. When that happens, for the past few holiday seasons, I’ve been able to pivot to discussing my work building the world’s first and only film festival focused on the importance of positively involved dads, in their presence AND absence. That leads me to the much safer territory of telling other people’s stories.
This year, after showcasing several breakout films at the Daddying Film Festival, like the Sundance award-winning and, now, Oscar-nominated film Daughters, I am lucky to have several awesome examples that quickly show the potential impact of what I do and why I do it.
Best of all, I don’t have to talk about myself much. Because, as I mentioned, that’s complicated.
I’m a writer not a talker. The writing process is therapy. It’s always been a more effective way – and, sometimes, only way – for me to slow things down and figure things out before blurting them out. I edit, as necessary, then say what I want, how I want, for however long I want. Once published for others to read (or ignore), I don’t have to repeat myself like I do when engaged in banter at the next party.
My throat got dry and scratchy just thinking about that. Moving on…
A couple months ago, a fellow blogger requested guest submissions for an early-December post on his blog, An Unwanted Life, with a simple prompt: Have you ever felt unwanted – how did you handle it? I sent a few examples of previous posts from the Daddying blog for him to consider. One was from Allan, My Dad Showed Up...A Half-Century Late, one was from a guest writer, Eugene Schneeberg, titled How the Father I Never Met Motivated Me to Connect with Lost Family and Become the Dad My Kids Need.
The last was from me; my first Daddying blog post. In my opinion, a story better served on paper than at a holiday party. Ever since writing that first piece, I’ve tried to focus my blog posts more on my kids and how, as an imperfect dad, I try my best to serve their needs. Because while my writing here is inherently a reflection of who I am and what being a dad means to me, ultimately, I want to keep the focus where it belongs: on my children.
So, if you’re interested, here’s a “daddying origin story” yarn with a few snags (an excerpt from my Unwanted Life guest post from December 2, 2024, is below followed by link to full post). It's a story that creeps back to me each year around this time like Marley's ghost reminding me of the dad I don't want to be. The story, of course, is still in-process, and initial reviews may be mixed. Feel free to check back with my kids in a few years for their take:
An Unwanted Life Story: A Eulogy For My Socially Distant Father
This is the seventh installment in the Unwanted Life story series, with today’s Unwanted Life story coming from Scott Beller, the editor of the Daddying blog. Today, Scott will be sharing their relationship with their father, who often made them feel unwanted. Scott has provided his own introduction followed by their unwanted life story, so check that out below, and when you’ve finished, go check out their blog. So without further ado, here’s Scott’s story about his father.
My DADvocacy Consulting Group colleague of nearly two decades Allan Shedlin and I launched the Daddying blog in February 2020, just as the COVID pandemic began altering the lives of millions globally while separating us all into our own geographic micro-bubbles. We did so with the mission of giving people – specifically, but not exclusively, men – of all ages and backgrounds a place to share stories of joy and pain about the relationships they had or wish they had with their fathers and/or their own children.
Daddying was created to highlight the joys of a father’s presence and help ease if not release the pain in their absence. Ultimately, it supports men’s efforts to be the kind of positively involved dads their children want and need them to be. In many cases, to be the dads their own fathers were not willing or able to be. I am one such case. So, as editor of the blog, it was only fitting that my first official contribution to the Daddying archive focus on the dad I had and how he motivated me to become the loving dad I always wanted.
The following is the story I told our blog readers back in April 2020. It’s one I’d been waiting to share for more than 40 years:
My father died in early June 2017 and wasn’t found until weeks later. When we got the news, my family and I were on our way home from vacationing in the Outer Banks. It wasn’t a shock. He’d been in and out of medical facilities for many months prior and had been kicked out of several for violent behavior. He died angry and alone in his apartment.
He was 71.
As this may be my final post of 2024, I'll say a quick "happy holidays and Happy New Year" to you all...and also share, once more, a moment of pure exhilaration from this past trip around the sun. Given what's on the horizon, it may be a while before we reach these heights again. Daddy on:
Oh, that Mighty Yorktown Girls Freshman 8 – 2024 VASRA State Champions!
2025 Call for Entries IS OPEN
Students (1st grade - undergrad), Dads/Dad figures, and indie filmmakers, tell us your stories about the importance of having or being an involved dad.
Submit via FilmFreeway now through March 3rd!
Scott Beller is the proud, imperfect crew dad of two mighty girls, imperfect husband of a rock-star mom/regatta chaperone, truth teller, former soccer coach, part-time driving instructor, photobomber, purveyor of banned books, Editor of the Daddying blog, and Director of Communications for DCG and D3F. He's a seasoned writer and PR agency veteran with more than 30 years of experience helping organizations of all sizes reach audiences and tell their stories. Prior to launching his own creative communications consultancy in 2003, he led PR teams with some of the world’s most respected agencies, including Fleishman-Hillard and The Weber Group. As a consultant, he’s helped launch two other parenting advocacy nonprofits with DCG founder Allan Shedlin. His first book, Beggars or Angels, appears in the gift guide above and was a ghostwritten memoir for the nonprofit Devotion to Children's founder Rosemary Tran Lauer, with whom he will again collaborate on a book in 2025. He was formerly known as "Imperfect Dad" and Head Writer/Editor for the Raising Nerd blog, which supported parents in inspiring the next generation of scientists, engineers, and creative problem solvers. He earned his BA in Communications from VA Tech so many years ago.
