By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
EDITOR’S NOTE: Before reading this blog, please remove whatever political lenses you are apt to be wearing during these hyper-political times. Beware/be aware such lenses prevent or blind us to the fundamental issue that, for five years and counting, has been the focus of this blog. As noted in previous blogs we believe that all issues concerning children and youth must, by definition, be considered supra-political.
There can be little disagreement that we are living during a period when most of us are feeling buffeted by ill winds. A world in which our hearts and souls are being battered, and our empathic instincts are being tested, often to their saturation point.
Many of us feel as if we have been sucked into a vortex by forces beyond our control. Many people I speak with seem to feel chain-sawed, suffering from fear, uncertainty, pain, and genuine trauma.
Some of the sequelae of these times manifest in an increase in visits to mental health providers, yoga/mindfulness studios, and dentists for treatment of cracked teeth from nocturnal teeth grinding; increased alcohol sales and overeating, to name a few.
My decades as a parent/grandparent, educator, parenting coach, and student of child development have taught me many things. One is that most life lessons are caught, not taught. As parents and teachers, as well as others who deal regularly with children understand, one of our primary desires and responsibilities is for our children and youth to feel safe. If those of us entrusted to provide such security are feeling anxious and overwhelmed by forces beyond our control, our children will sense that. As Robert Fulghum observed, “Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
So, as noted in a previous blog, here are some things that I and others have shared with me that may help keep our anxiety at bay and keep our hearts open and exuberant as we do our best to cope with these profoundly disturbing, confusing, and whiplash days/daze:
Laugh and cry a lot
Seize opportunities to show kindness
Surround myself with big-hearted, compassionate, and optimistic people
Walk in nature
Engage less with social and news media
Listen to music and/or burst into song
Volunteer with a local , national, or even global cause to help alleviate feelings of helplessness
Pray
Read a good book alone or with your child (maybe one that some have tried to ban!)
Play with pets
Watch a great movie
Practice mindfulness
Appreciate that meteorological spring arrives this Saturday.
One of the best resources I’ve come across to help kids (and adults) deal with current events is the book, What to Do When News Scares You (Magination Press/American Psychological Association) by Dr. Jacqueline Toner, a clinical psychologist. She notes that “Scary news is an inevitable part of life…Point out all the people in [your child/ren's] life who keep them safe and some of the ways they are doing so right now.”
And during these trumpestuous* times, it is good to remember these two lines from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech in 1964:
"Right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. What self-centered men have torn down, men other-centered can build up."
* I created the word "trumpestuous" to encompass the following qualities/characteristics:
Tempestuous
Impetuous
Petulant
Trumpets blaring; and, of course...
Great uncertainties created by the current administration and advisors in the White House.
2025 Call for Entries IS OPEN!
SUBMISSION DEADLINE: March 24th
Students (1st grade - undergrad), Dads/Dad figures, granddads, Moms, and indie filmmakers, tell us your stories about the importance of having or being an involved dad.
Some D3F 2025 Official Selections to-date. More announced soon!
Submit videos and films via FilmFreeway until 3/24/25
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" children and grandchildren. A trained educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He’s written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, and given numerous TV, radio, and podcast interviews. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010 he advised the Obama White House on fathering policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the Daddy Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He’s conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024 he was named to Who’s Who. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and ABD at Fordham University. But he considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
