By Allan Shedlin, Grampsy and Founder, the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) and
Scott Beller, Editor, the Daddying blog
When we jumped into the blogosphere five years ago, February 19, 2020, the world was a very different place. Just as daddying doesn’t take place in a vacuum, neither does our blog. Both exist within a broader social and, yes, political context.
As we begin our sixth year, it feels like we are living in a world gone mad. A world on the brink. Our days are filled with so many breaking-news interruptions, I now yearn for "braking" news. I find myself almost relieved when the lead item in the news is a tornado, mudslide, or flood – a natural disaster, as opposed to a manmade one in which our inhumanity is coming to define our humanity. It’s become a world in which the ubiquitous phrase “it couldn’t happen here” has become an oxymoron. A world in which our empathic instincts are being tested often, as they reach a saturation point.
Our hearts and souls are being battered.
What’s often expressed in our blogs – those Scott and I have written as well as those written by our many guest bloggers – mirrors what I’ve heard in the 205 individual daddying interviews I’ve conducted with men from 20 countries. There is not only a willingness to share feelings about our relationships with our fathers, but almost a desperation to do so – and most of these relationships are complex, profound, and crave greater understanding.
Many of us seem to feel as if we have been sucked into a vortex by forces beyond our control. Our blog posts give us an opportunity to step out of that vortex to express our thoughts, feelings and desires, as well as to deal with the pain, trauma, and joys of our daddying experiences. It's important to note the above "Daddying By the Numbers" graphic indicates that every one of our blog posts and guest posts have touched on, in some way, the health/mental health (for better or worse) of the writer, their fathers/father figures, or their child/ren and families.
Indeed, daddying has an impact on our and our children/grandchildren's overall health and wellbeing. And vice versa.
As actions and events beyond our control swirl around us with increased intensity, one way to cope and to fight back is to become kinder and more compassionate with all those we come in contact with. It is well to remember the words of Atticus Finch from Harper Lee’s Pulitzer prize-winning and frequently banned novel, To Kill a Mockingbird:
“You never really understand a person until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
Another way for us to confront and stand up to the continuing uncertainty and meanness in the often short-sighted and cruel decisions beyond our control that are being inflicted upon so many of us, is to redouble our commitment to those things we have some control over, like our parenting.
To that end, the parenting axioms I’ve articulated in previous blogs and with the various parenting groups I’ve conducted – culled from my own experiences as a dad, granddad, and son, as well as those I’ve learned as a lifelong educator, student of child development, as well as from my qualitative research with fathers, grandfathers, father figures, and children – the consumers of daddying – seem increasingly important and worth sharing here:
Being a dad/granddad is more than just who you are, it’s something you do.
There is no such thing as a "perfect" dad/parent and you don't need to be perfect to be a successful parent.
Dads are important to children AND children are important to dads – in their presence and their absence.
You have the power to become the kind of dad your children want and need you to be; it is often not as daunting as you may think.
The qualities kids most want in their dad are the ones most dads/parents want to cultivate AND that child development experts agree are needed to live a fulfilled and fulfilling life.
Families and communities are better off when dads and kids are positively involved in each other's lives.
Although our first blogs pre-dated the creation of our Daddying Film Festival & Forum
(D3F), the signature program of our DCG’s Daddy Appleseed Fund. D3F provides an additional opportunity for students, dads, dad figures, granddads, moms, and independent filmmakers to express the importance of father involvement – in its presence and absence. It enables filmmakers of all ages and levels of experience to explore their thoughts and feelings about the complex relationships between fathers and their children.
As we’ve received film submissions from 26 countries in our first three years, it’s clear that exploring our relationships with our fathers is a universal desire. Perhaps, even a universal need.
It seems particularly appropriate here to quote from Thomas Paine’s line from his pamphlet The American Crisis, published in 1776 to encourage the American colonists to continue fighting for freedom: “These are the times that try men's souls.”
So, let’s not keep the dad we most want to be – the one we wished we had – waiting.
Daddy on.
– Allan
I started writing about my kids and being a dad back in 2016 as the lead writer and editor of Raising Nerd. Even though that blog's focus was on helping parents instill their kids with a love for exploring science, tech, and creative problem solving, my approach in every post was one of highlighting the benefits of positive dad involvement. Even if that meant standing back, letting my kids do their own thing, and cheering loudly as they did.
After the Raising Nerd team dissolved in mid-2018, I was left in writing limbo but with an enduring passion to continue writing about the happiness, heartaches, challenges, and triumphs of being a dad. Not only did that first, regular blogging gig bring me more joy in writing than I'd ever had before, it also showed me what was possible for Allan and I, who, at the time, had been working together on raising daddying awareness together for 15 years.
A little more than a year later, we'd begin discussing the idea of starting up our own blog. It's something I'd thought about ever since my father's death in June of 2017. My mother's death in September as well as the imminent Presidential election and COVID lockdown in early 2020 made clear to us that it was time.
There were stories to be told.
Allan's life's work talking with dads, granddads, and kids of all ages worldwide had proven that sharing dad stories was an effective way to raise awareness about the importance of having or being an involved dad or father figure, both for the fathers AND for their kids. His daddying interviews also got men to think about and be more intentional about their own parenting. With a pandemic upon us and wellness on everyone's mind, Daddying was ready to find its audience and amplify a diversity of voices through research, poetry, music, film, and commentary on everyday dadlife.
Personally, creating the blog has always been a weekly act of mindfulness and catharsis. I've been able to celebrate and stay connected with my kids, advocate for a cause or two, work out my frustrations, and make sense of (if not exorcise) many ghosts of my daddying past.
Until February 19, 2020, I carried around the weightiest of those stories like the chains that cloaked Marley from A Christmas Carol. This blog has all but removed them, and helped free me to focus on how to be a better dad for my daughters. By making time to be there, be engaged, and give them the kind of support they want and need. But maybe the most important thing I've learned while working with Allan and creating the Daddying blog every week for the past [checks notes] 256 weeks, is to appreciate what being there for my kids does for me every day:
Help me find joy in big things and little things, even difficult ones
Remind me that in order to take care of them, I need to take care of myself
Inspire me to be a better dad than my father was for me.
As Allan noted above, back in 2020, the world was different, but still on the verge of a catastrophe made worse by one man, possibly the worst father on Earth, and his inept regime. Five years later, the more things have changed, the more they appear to have stayed the same. But still, there are daddying stories to be told – of joy and pain. We hope that in reminding everyone we are all connected and doing what we can to be the best for our kids and ourselves, those stories will help get us all through what lies ahead.
– Scott
A final editor's note: Allan and I want to give a special thanks to our many guest writers who have helped make it possible for us to publish Daddying every week. We will always make room for quality guest contributions from dads, moms, daughters, and sons of all ages and backgrounds. Please contact us if you know someone who might be interested!
Lauren and her 2024 Yorktown Girls Freshman 8 State Championship! What, you didn't think I'd let y'all leave without this inspirational reminder to cheer on your kids like this every day – win, lose, or draw. Daddy on!
2025 Call for Entries IS OPEN!
DEADLINE EXTENDED through March 24th
Students (1st grade - undergrad), Dads/Dad figures, and indie filmmakers, tell us your stories about the importance of having or being an involved dad.
Some D3F 2025 Official Selections to-date. More announced soon!
Submit videos and films via FilmFreeway until 3/24/25
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" children and grandchildren. A trained educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He’s written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, and given numerous TV, radio, and podcast interviews. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010 he advised the Obama White House on fathering policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the Daddy Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He’s conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024 he was named to Who’s Who. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and ABD at Fordham University. But he considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
Scott Beller is the proud, imperfect crew dad of two mighty girl rowers, imperfect husband of a rock-star mom/regatta chaperone, truth teller, former soccer coach, part-time driving instructor, photobomber, purveyor of banned books, Editor of the Daddying blog, and Director of Communications for DCG and D3F. He's a seasoned writer and PR agency veteran with more than 30 years of experience helping organizations of all sizes reach audiences and tell their stories. Prior to launching his own creative communications consultancy in 2003, he led PR teams with some of the world’s most respected agencies, including Fleishman-Hillard and The Weber Group. As a consultant, he’s helped launch two other parenting advocacy nonprofits with DCG founder Allan Shedlin. His first book, Beggars or Angels, appears in the gift guide above and was a ghostwritten memoir for the nonprofit Devotion to Children's founder Rosemary Tran Lauer, with whom he will again collaborate on a book in 2025. He was formerly known as "Imperfect Dad" and Head Writer/Editor for the Raising Nerd blog, which supported parents in inspiring the next generation of scientists, engineers, and creative problem solvers. He earned his BA in Communications from VA Tech so many years ago. Follow him on Instagram and BlueSky!
