By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
With 120 years of granddaddying under my belt – which used to be thinner – I’ve picked up a few points that may be worth sharing. Oh, I’m not actually that old, it’s just that I have five grandkids and my experiences with each has been unique. So, when you add up their ages, they total 120 years.
Just as my grandkids look very different than they used to, so do I. What’s my point? We tend to think and discuss the natural development of children, but not so much adult development. Check out these "then and now" graduation photos of me with my two oldest grandkids and note the differences in them and me:
Left to Right: Granddaughter Casey and I after her self-defense class graduation (2001), Casey and I after grad-school graduation (2023), Grandson Ben and I at his preschool graduation (2006), Ben and I after college graduation (2022).
When we think about our own grandparents, I wonder how many of us imagine them in their younger grandparenting years.
Long ago, when I was an elementary school principal, I co-taught a class on child development with the science teacher to our 6th graders – our oldest students. The course included a study of the different systems of the body. Not surprisingly, when we got to the reproductive system, there was nervous anticipation.
I told the students that this unit would last a few sessions and that until they learned the proper terminology for the different body parts, they could use the slang terms they might be more familiar with. But I continued, there was one compound word they could never use.
As you might imagine, there was nervous anticipation as I got set to tell them the forbidden word. At the crescendo of their curiosity, I told them the word was “grown-up.” The disappointment they shared that the word wasn’t of the more “forbidden” type was expressed with a variety of groans and boos.
I went on to explain that the use of that term implied the idea that one morning, they would wake up and be terminally "grown-up," i.e., their human development would be complete.
But that's not so!
As we grow as individuals, so do our unique relationships. What I learned as a dad from my own experiences as well as from my decades of qualitative research has been immensely helpful to how I’ve approached my granddaddying. The qualities most desired by my grandkids are basically the same, just generationally and geographically adapted:
Be there, really be there – not distracted by TV or other diversions (kids often described what I call "AWOL Fathers" – fathers who are absent without leaving)
Take them as seriously as they take themselves
Respect them, even if their dads don’t agree with them
Set fair and consistent limits
Demonstrate a sense of humor
Provide affection
Trust them
Offer recognition; and
State parental expectations unambiguously.
One of my granddaughters presented me with the plaque pictured below, saying, "Whoever created this must have known you, Grampsy!"
Perhaps there are a few well-earned privileges of being a granddad…and never becoming a "grown-up."
Granddaddy on!
2025 Call for Entries IS OPEN!
Students (1st grade - undergrad), Dads/Granddads/Dad figures, and indie filmmakers, tell us your stories about the importance of having or being an involved dad.
NEW FOR 2025 – A Special Granddaddying Atticus Award!
Best Video or Film created by Granddads & Grandkids – Lessons learned from each other
Submit via FilmFreeway through March 3rd!
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" children and grandchildren. A trained educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He’s written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, and given numerous TV, radio, and podcast interviews. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010 he advised the Obama White House on fathering policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the Daddy Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He’s conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024 he was named to Who’s Who. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and ABD at Fordham University. But he considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
