By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
When I conduct my daddying workshops, I point out to the fathers that the instant they became a dad, their identity changed dramatically and forever. They became a parent and they became a generation older. So, if their behavior didn’t begin to change, it would mean they were not dealing with this dramatic, new reality. Perhaps, that’s why most of these men decided to attend a workshop, titled “Becoming the dad YOU want to be.”
If the 205 one-on-one, in-depth daddying interviews I’ve conducted with men from 20 countries are any indication, it's not surprising so little thought and attention has traditionally been given to a dad's role during pregnancy and immediately following the birth of their child. One of the questions I ask during my interviews is, “When did you first think about becoming a dad?” A majority look at me as if that’s a strange question because it should be self-apparent. One dad answered, “When she became 'preggers,' of course.”
I guess it isn’t surprising that, even though I’ve been studying and working in the “fatherhood field” for three decades, I learned only last week that one in 10 dads suffer from perinatal depression and anxiety. Who knew? I learned this fact while attending the informative and generative annual conference of Postpartum Support International (PSI).
I was invited to attend the PSI conference by Jane Honikman, who founded the organization in 1987 and has twice been a contributing writer for the Daddying blog. The conference was attended by more than 1,300 people. I estimate that about 1,275 of them were women. One of the reasons Jane invited me to attend was to brainstorm about how to heighten awareness and provide support for the significant number of dads who suffer from perinatal depression and anxiety.
The research on this topic is still in its infancy, so-to-speak. Very few people are aware or have considered the importance of paying greater attention to dads during pregnancy and immediately following delivery. Samantha Reaves, a PSI communications specialist, points out that even statistics available on the subject are likely low considering the stigma men face about sharing their feelings. But, as gender roles and responsibilities are being reexamined and redefined, awareness of perinatal and postpartum depression in dads is growing, and that’s a very positive development.
As I have noted in various other writings, when men are positively involved in their children’s lives – and vice versa – all measures of social wellbeing improve for children, dads, and families.
I guess it isn’t surprising that, even though I’ve been studying and working in the “fatherhood field” for three decades, I learned only last week that one in 10 dads suffer from perinatal depression and anxiety. Who knew?
As I begin to read more about this issue, I’ve learned that, according to the research conducted in 2015 by Singley & Edwards, 10 to 20 percent of new dads experience some type of depression or anxiety. And the strongest predictor of paternal postpartum depression is a mother’s PPD. An excellent primer on this topic is Jane I. Honikman & Daniel B. Singley's 2020 book Parental Mental Health – Factoring in Fathers.
As with so many other “masculine” issues, this area is not much discussed due to stigma associated with it suggesting male “weakness.” Hogwash! I believe that when men are able to show their tender sides and even cry, it is a sign of their strength, not weakness. Men, as well as women, have pervasive concerns, worries, and anticipated joys about pending parenthood. So, let’s pay greater attention to the dads during pregnancy and during the perinatal period in order to improve the odds for babies, moms, and families.
You may want to consider becoming a member of PSI, so we can meet up at next year’s Conference in New Orleans, July 2025.
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, as well as numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center for 10 years. In the 1980s, he began writing about education and parenting for major news outlets and education trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers in Santa Fe, NM, where he now serves as president emeritus. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and began co-facilitating the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs. He has conducted daddying workshops in such diverse settings as Native American pueblos, veterans groups, nursery schools, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and various elementary schools, signifying the widespread interest in men in becoming the best possible dad. In 2022, Allan founded and co-directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) to enable students, dads, and other indie filmmakers to use film as a vehicle to communicate the importance of fathers or father figures in each others' lives. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA, at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. But he considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
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