By Adam Fried
Documentary Filmmaker and Founder, Virtual History Initiative
What would a father do for his daughter?
That's the question I ask myself on a daily basis. But it’s easy for me. I would do anything for her to keep her safe. Keep her smiling. Laughing. It’s important for me because my father left us when I was 12, and it has affected me every day since. I’m 54.
After my parents’ divorce and my Mother’s death from cancer when I was in my 20s, I never thought I would be a parent. I never really wanted to be. Before her passing, I asked her what I should do with my life, she gave me a simple piece of advice: be happy.
Why was a child not on my radar? I needed to take care of myself, grow a business, strive for myself, because I had nothing to fall back on. Six years ago, I needed a break. I was burnt out. While traveling through Europe, I met the woman of my dreams on the bank of the Isar river in Munich, Germany. We fell in love and decided to get married within three months of meeting.
We had only spent a few weeks together, actually in-person, before agreeing to tie the knot. So, that knot was a bit loose. We never even talked about having kids. About a year into our marriage, she wanted a child. We decided to try. I figured it could take years and I had time.
One time! That’s all it took and our daughter was on the way!
We now had a chance to get to know each other. We were totally on different wavelengths. The marriage was falling apart. But we were pregnant. She was on the way. I can’t walk away. What to do now? We moved to her hometown, which is located in Regensburg, Germany, a small Bavarian town with a long history of Antisemitism dating back to the 1500s. Oh, and I am Jewish. I never thought about what I would do if the marriage wouldn’t work out while I was in Germany.
When my daughter arrived, I cried. I never thought I would be a Dad, but here she was. I cherish the first picture I ever took of her. Her tiny hand holding my finger and I wrote down what came to my mind:
“Hold my hand, and we will find our way together.”
I instantly fell in love with her and vowed to never leave her. But there I was. Divorced, alone in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language, with no family, no support system, no skirt steaks! A true outsider. But I had her and I made her a promise.
Having a daughter has changed me. I never could have imagined the level of joy I get whenever I am with her. I love to watch her do anything…play, eat, learn, laugh. My experience with my own Dad taught me what NOT to do. Because of him, I realize how important it is for a father to be present and involved in their children’s lives at all ages.
My daughter has taught me how to be more present, to pay attention when we are together and not be distracted with work, my phone, email, or anything. I love to cook with her like my Mom did with me, making homemade pizza or pasta noodles.
Speaking of food…
While living in Germany, I realized I was missing a lot of things from home and my childhood, including skirt steaks, corned beef sandwiches, and homemade Matza ball soup. You can’t find any of that in Regensburg, Germany. I was looking for my next career move because I now knew I was staying in Germany and I would never leave her, so I decided to try and open up a Jewish Deli. I was so passionate about it, I decided to make a documentary film about it.
What could go wrong??
In the process of making the film, now titled Everything’s Kosher, I attempted to repair the relationship with my dying father in order to be the best Dad I could be for my little girl. What transpired over the next few years turned out to be a true love letter to my daughter. All in all, it turned into the most expensive therapy session in the history of therapy.
Today, I truly value and appreciate being a father. Do I wish I had kids earlier? Sure, but maybe I wasn’t ready then. Maybe I would not have appreciated what it meant to be a Dad. But I sure do now.
I had my daughter when I was almost 50, so I value my time with her every day. And when I am gone, I want her to think back to all the happy times we had together and know how much I loved her and to remember this very simple piece of advice:
Be Happy.
Everything's Kosher makes its U.S. premiere this Sunday, October 13, in Highland Park, IL – GET TICKETS. It is available to rent and stream everywhere starting October 14 – preorder NOW.
2025 Call for Entries is Coming Soon!
Adam Fried is the proud Daddy to his daughter and producer at Doya Entertainment, LLC. He is an award-winning documentary filmmaker whose new film, Everything's Kosher , makes its US debut on October 13, and will screen in several festivals in 2024, including the Love & Hope International Film Festival, Seattle Film Festival, New Jersey Documentary Film Festival, and Manhattan Film Festival, as well as the 2025 Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). His previous film, The Walk, was honored as a selection at the 2023 Venice Shorts Film Awards (winner), 2023 Chicago Indie Film Awards (winner), 2023 Cannes World Film Festival (finalist), 2023 LA Documentary Film Festival, and 2023 SOHO International Film Festival. Adam also is the founder of The Virtual History Initiative, which uses film to educate and fight against antisemitism. He grew up in a northern suburb of Chicago with a tight-knit community and a lot of Jewish friends and family.
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